4 Things to Remember if You're Deconstructing Your Faith
If you haven’t already experienced some form of deconstruction of your faith, there’s a good chance you’ve heard of it, whether online or in your community.
For LGBTQ+ Christians in particular, deconstruction is often tied into the relationship between faith and identity, expression, and sexuality. What might have once been taken for granted based on one’s reading of Scripture might suddenly be in question. Ethics, theology, epistemology, hermeneutics—it’s not just what you believe, but why and how you believe.
What does the Bible actually say about being LGBTQ+?
Were my beliefs from God or my own prejudices?
What is “God”?
What is “church” for?
Where do I go from here?
It has deeply personal connotations for those who have experienced it, and as QCF contributor Amy Hayes writes for Baptist News Global, “Usually triggered by painful religious trauma, deconstruction engulfs a person, forcing them to confront all the ways in which the current form of their faith has failed or hurt them.”
You might relate to this sense of loss, this grief for the life, faith, and community you assumed was good for you—for the world, even. You’re not alone in that, beloved.
We’re not here to give you confident answers to all your questions. Instead, we want to provide some encouragement for your process, inviting you to hold your hands open to the invitation to grow. Below, you’ll find 4 simple things to remember as you navigate your own faith deconstruction.
It’s not a linear process.
You won’t move at a steady clip from question to answer until you feel settled. It will happen in fits and starts, and it won’t always be quick. In fact, much of this will be lifelong for you, especially if you grew up in fundamentalist Christianity.
Don’t spend too much energy worrying about whether you’re going in circles or moving too quickly, slowly, or even backwards. Be sensitive to what you’re feeling, and take the time to do the hard work of critically examining your doubts and the basis for them.
The goal isn’t certainty.
“It took me a while to recognize that my old church was not the voice of God, that the things they rejected me for are the same things God celebrates me for.”
Despite the certainty you might once have had for the faith you’re deconstructing, this process is unlikely to land you somewhere just as comfortable and sure. Rather, you’ll learn to ask questions and investigate ideas before taking them at face value. Certitude can give way to arrogance and pride—haven’t we seen that time and time again in faith leaders? Rather than finding something to be certain of, lean into your doubts and hold your beliefs with open hands.
Wasn’t faith always predicated on trust rather than direct observation? Where did Jesus command an apologetic for a “biblical worldview?”
Exactly—it was, and Jesus didn’t. Deconstruction isn’t about replacing a set of uncritical beliefs with another. It’s an opportunity to learn how to love yourself and neighbor well, something Jesus actually did command.
It’s going to be tough.
You may be realizing that the precepts of your faith that you thought were built on the rock were actually built on sand.
Heterosexism, white supremacism, ableism, sexism—these are systemic issues. They harm us all, and it is up to us to realize a liberated world. The more deeply you perceive the grave structural injustices in our world, the more angry and defeated you may begin to feel. It’s a trap. Don’t let the feelings of helplessness win. Don’t give up on you and your neighbors’ flourishing. You have agency, and you can learn how to use it.
Deconstruction is an invitation to hard work, and it’s not just a personal process. The questions you’re likely asking extend beyond your particular position in the world. You can probably already tell: This won’t be easy.
You’re not alone.
You may be feeling isolated from spiritual community. You may grieve a lack of access to sacred, communal experiences that one rooted your faith. There’s no getting around how much this can hurt. We’re with you, beloved. Whether in chosen family or friends, a new faith community that affirms your identity, or in the professional guidance of a therapist, you’ll be better off having found people on whom you can rely and in whom you can confide.
You have us, too! We’re an interdenominational network of individuals and communities seeking to cultivate radical belonging for LGBTQ+ Christians and allies. From former evangelicals to Catholics and everything between, doubters of all kinds are welcome here. Whether at Conference or in Community Groups, there are opportunities for you to experience belonging.
As you deconstruct your faith, know that this process will challenge, grow, and refine you. As difficult as it is, it’s worth the struggle to be loved and known for exactly who you are.
Next Step
Looking for an opportunity to dive a bit deeper?
Featuring Rev. Tonetta Landis-Aina, our Affirmation Guide fro Sexuality & Spirituality is a freely downloadable resource that dives deep into the relationship between Scripture, faith, body, mind, and sexuality. Check it out at the link below!
