Sharing My Story for National Coming Out Day

It was 6 years ago this August that I sat despondently on the shore of Lake Michigan, grieving the death of the future I had dreamed for myself—a neat-and-tidy “Christian” life that ignored my God-given sexuality.

I was 20, about to begin my junior year at Liberty University, and we were midway through a family camping trip. I’d spent the better part of the summer serving on staff at an evangelical youth camp as the music and worship leader, hunching over ebooks I had downloaded to my tiny iPhone in my free time. I was consuming as much information as I could about LGBTQ+ affirming theology, its relationship to Scripture, and what that meant for me as a gay person.

Now, with the camp season finished and my first weeks back on campus imminent, I knew there was no going back to the person I was just months earlier.

I was anticipating what would happen when I came out, the many cascading changes, losses, and hurts that were all but inevitable. Would I regret it? Would I change my mind? Would I realize I was not quite as gay as I thought? How much would it hurt?

And most of all, when? When would it start?

A year beforehand, I had confided in my parents that I was “struggling with same-sex attaction,” and I’ve no doubt many of us have uttered those same words. I was confident that this wouldn’t “define” me, that my “identity was in Christ.”

But that following December, while on Christmas break, I got my first answers. After having made the decision to discuss affirming theology with my family, my dad stopped me in private. He asked if the affirming position was something I believed for myself, if my opinions had changed, and I was honest:

Yes. That’s what I believe.

In the cold basement of my family’s home, next to empty boxes and clutter, I took my first steps outside of a closet whose door I had spent years struggling to open.

I’ve since had a chance to revisit the questions I asked on the shore of Lake Michigan.

No, I’ve never regretted it.

I haven’t changed my mind.

I’m probably even more gay than I thought.

And yeah—coming out was painful, but absolutely worth it.

Today is National Coming Out Day, an opportunity to reflect on a momentous first for many LGBTQ+ folks. If you’ve already come out, this probably elicits powerful memories for you. For many of us, these memories may be filled with grief and hurt, experiences through which we’re still working. For others, today may represent an aspiration, with hopes and even fears of conversations like mine that still haven’t happened.

Wherever you are in your journey, whether you’ve yet to put your hand on the closet door handle or spent decades outside, you are valid—today is for you. Today is for the hard and beautiful firsts I experienced 6 years ago, for the firsts still to come.

This is also LGBTQ+ History Month, and as you may have seen, at QCF we’re focusing on the significance of firsts in the lives of LGBTQ+ Christians and allies. We’ve kicked off a fundraising campaign with a goal to reach first-time donors contributing to our work and mission.

As a QCF staff member who recognizes the sanctuary that QCF provides in the journey of coming out and so many other "firsts," I want to invite you to be one of 20 new donors today to offer your first-ever gift, as your means allow. It can be a gift of $1, $5, $10, or $25! Any amount is significant.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I hope it provides some encouragement and hope for you in your own journey. Together, may we realize a world where all can come out and thrive in radical belonging.

In gratitude,

Nathanial Green
He/Him | Interim Co-Executive Director