5 Ways to Stand Up for LGBTQ+ People in Your Church
Over the last few years, we’ve published several Affirmation and Relational Guides as free, downloadable resources. Each of these resources feature practical steps and information that can be used for individual growth, the pursuit of relational justice, and sustainable community-building.
Today, we want to highlight a chapter from our Relational Guide for Allies featuring Amy Hayes. In it, you’ll find actionable steps aspiring allies can take in support of their LGBTQ+ neighbors. Entitled How do I Stand up for LGBTQ+ People in my Church, this chapter is something from which all of us—LGBTQ+ Christians included—can benefit.
The reality is most Christian churches harbor deeply anti-LGBTQ+ beliefs. While we can’t solve this situation in one fell swoop, we can take steps toward making churches safer for our LGBTQ+ siblings in Christ.
“The reality is most Christian churches harbor deeply anti-LGBTQ+ beliefs.”
Assess your church’s perspective. Unless you’re affiliated with a denomination that clearly delineates its policies, you may need to examine your church’s membership guidelines or check in directly with your pastors. The policies regarding LGBTQ+ people can fall anywhere along a range of stances, including:
Welcoming: unless coupled with affirming, typically corresponds with “love the sinner, hate the sin” non-affirming theology; LGBTQ+ people “welcome” to attend but cannot become members, lead, or have their weddings officiated.
Discerning: indicates a congregation is consciously, actively thinking through possibly transitioning from being non-affirming to either affirming or inclusive.
Affirming: practices full equality for LGBTQ+ people, no double standards on requirements for membership or leadership based on sexual orientation or gender identity.
Inclusive: pursues full equality for LGBTQ+ people, but allows for members to have differences in beliefs as long as the convictions of the privileged do not oppress or marginalize the vulnerable.
Urge public transparency. Regardless of where your church has currently settled, ask the leadership to publicize their policies. LGBTQ+ people have a right to know what kind of environment they are walking into. Imagine connecting deeply with a church community only to have the carpet yanked from under you when the pastor refuses to perform your wedding ceremony, barrs you from leadership, or even shuns you from the fellowship. Feels awful, doesn’t it? Clarity prevents these kinds of bait and switches from damaging LGBTQ+ Christians.
Start conversations. If your church is not already affirming/inclusive, talk with your leaders to see if they’re ready to begin a discernment process. That process can include a church wide book study, a discernment committee, and/or hosting panels with discussion groups. Offer resources such as:
Q Christian Fellowship’s Relational Guide for Clergy
Why Churches Need to Talk About Sexuality by Mark Wingfield
She’s My Dad by Jonathan Williams
Have an eye for detail. Even in affirming spaces, leaders can still overlook the small ways in which heteronormativity lingers in the environment, subtly communicating judgment. For example:
Bathrooms. Are all the facilities coded by gender? If yes, then perhaps the leadership might consider making them gender neutral, or designating at least one restroom as gender neutral, if there are more than two.
Forms. Do official documents allow for gender-expansive options? Or can you only designate yourself male or female, with no distinction for gender identity/expression? When registering for events or volunteer opportunities, is there a space designated to note pronouns?
Children. Not every kid has one dad and one mom—does the language of Sunday School or the required documents reflect that reality? Encourage paperwork that asks for “parents” rather than moms and dads.
Leadership. Is everyone who holds a microphone cisgender and heterosexual? Representation matters.
Finally, if the church leadership refuses to change, consider leaving. After you have put in the effort to effect change, you must be willing to forego your comfort if the environment remains damaging to your LGBTQ+ siblings. This may ultimately require leaving. And especially if you have children who are LGBTQ+, leaving an environment that does not affirm them may literally save their lives.
Beyond reading and internalizing this information, we encourage you to share it with pastors and faith leaders in your life who could benefit from this fantastic resource. This is just one chapter from an amazing resource—and the entire thing is completely free! Visit the link below to learn more and download the Relational Guide for Allies featuring Amy Hayes.
