Meeting Your True Self This Advent

“To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul.”

— Psalm 25:1

I am a nonbinary expecting parent in the second trimester of my first pregnancy. Along with the joy of this exciting news, I notice lots of new questions filling my headspace. What will my life look like this time next year? How will my body/mind/heart be different? How might people treat me differently because I’m a nonbinary birthgiver? How will my life change when this little one arrives? These unknowns rise to the forefront of my mind in quiet moments and offer valuable opportunities for reflection and prayer.

Advent is a season of waiting and preparation. I certainly notice those common experiences in my life right now: lots of time spent in waiting rooms for prenatal appointments, lots of questions and conversations between my husband and I as we get ready to meet our new family member. The to-do list seems never ending, yet the distance between now and my due date in May seems like an eternity.

However, in this first week of Advent, I am particularly drawn to this prayer in Psalm 25:1: “To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul.” It reminds me of the portion of our centered values statement at QCF that says, “with trust and bravery we strive to share our true selves.”

This invitation to share my true self can be challenging, or even downright scary. As a nonbinary expecting parent, I’ve found my experience of gender often minimized or erased by pregnancy programs or resources that focus solely on cis women. It is sometimes difficult to feel like people see me for me in this season of life. In the waiting, I worry that my dysphoria will interrupt the joyful experiences that parenthood will bring. Amid the preparation, there is a temptation to hide my true self for the sake of others’ comfort.

However, this verse and this invitation offer me the opportunity to share my true self with God. They remind me that God knows and loves me fully exactly as I am, not as who others perceive me to be. God welcomes my whole soul. In the waiting, God is waiting too. In the preparation, God is meeting me. When I’m invited to share my true self with God, those unknowns filling my head don’t immediately get answers, but they are accompanied by a new truth: God is with me.

How is God meeting your true self this week?