Sharing My Story for National Coming Out Day
(Content Warning: suicidal ideation.)
November 21st marks the 11 year anniversary of the second time I came out to myself. I was laying in the guest bedroom of my uncle’s home outside of Austin, Texas - the night before a friend’s funeral - having my most honest conversation with God up to that point in my life. I knew that if something did not change in my life, I would be in the next casket.
That conversation with God was the culmination of years of always feeling that my body was not my own. I was a shell of a person who could not muster the courage to evoke my own voice; I was feeling overwhelming conflict in my very soul. This conflict was a result of the commentary and actions of others near me and not what I had ever known of God, but I could not see a way forward.
What I did see, however, was that God had not left me. God had always shown up in my life, and I could not believe that God would leave me just because I needed to be my authentic self. I believe God wanted abundant life for me, even if it did not look like what others had imagined it would be for me. It was that night that I felt peace in my soul. I knew I was going to pursue my most authentic self, but continue to walk alongside God the best I possibly could. I didn’t have to choose between God, my faith, and coming out as transgender.
Sometimes I mourn my own coming out experiences: it has never been sunshine and rainbows. Instead of celebrating my authentic self, many religious folk tried to push me back into the closet or push me out of the church. Additionally, working in the Church - specifically the United Methodist Church and non-denominational spaces - and living in Texas meant my safety was not always guaranteed. Discerning who I could come out to has rarely been easy.
As I write this today, I am sitting in the mountain valleys of North Carolina, leading worship services as part of a conference exploring the “Holy Shifts” in our world. I am embracing my full self, and I no longer have to choose between different pieces of myself. I accept all of me, today.
Thank you for being present with me today as I share my story with you. I hope it helps you in your own journey. May we recognize a world where we all can come out and live full authentic lives.
Faithfully,
Aiden Nathaniel Diaz
He/Him | Communications Manager
P.S. We are currently in the midst of our yearly LGBTQ+ History Month campaign. As we remember the work that has been done and think about the work yet to be done, we invite you to donate today as we continue to work towards Making History Now!
