6 Ways To Be An Ally For Trans & Gender-Expansive People
We celebrated Trans Day of Visibility last week on March 31st. Trans visibility is important because in the current global and national political climate, trans and gender-expansive people often experience negative forms of visibility, such as discrimination and oppression because of their identity. Trans and gender-expansive people are also often victims of hate-crimes. In the United States, there are currently over 400 active pieces of legislation that are being considered which discriminate against or deny healthcare to trans and gender-expansive individuals. Many of these bills harm adults and young people seeking gender-affirming healthcare, which every major medical association across the world supports as safe and lifesaving.
Allied Christians are called to stand up against these injustices. Proverbs 31:9 encourages us: “Speak out; judge righteously; defend the rights of the poor and needy.” Today, we want to highlight six ways you can be an ally with trans and gender-expansive people.
Educate yourself.
Start by learning how to use proper language, terminology, and pronouns for your trans and gender-expansive friends and family. Do this learning on your own time rather than asking trans and gender-expansive people to teach you everything you need to know. Teaching new allies can often place an undue burden on trans and gender-expansive community members. Q Christian Fellowship offers many free resources to help you educate yourself, such as the Affirmation Guide for Trans and Gender-Expansive identities and How To Stand Up for Trans Folks in Your Life. Additionally, learn how to use pronouns other than just he/him and she/her. Learn how to use they/them pronouns and neopronouns (creative pronouns that offer different options to trans and gender-expansive people, such as ze/zir/zem or xe/xer/xem) so that you can refer to your friends and family with the terms that make them feel most affirmed!
Offer emotional and practical support to your Trans and Gender-Expansive friends.
Offer emotional support by being a conversation partner and a safe space for your friend or family member to share the difficulties and challenges they are facing due to hostile spaces, as well as the joys they are experiencing by affirming and living into their own identity. Additionally, trans and gender-expansive people often need practical support related to medical care, housing searches, and workplace needs. Each of these spaces continue to be affected by bias and discrimination, and the medical needs, housing stability, and job stability of trans and gender-expansive people remain federally unprotected in the United States. Offer practical support by assisting your friends with medical appointments and post-operative care if they need it, by helping them find safe and stable housing, and by assisting or supporting them as they apply for jobs or seek adjustments to better live as their full selves within their workplace.
If a Trans or Gender-Expansive Person has asked you to, correct others on their use of that person’s name and pronouns.
It is exhausting for trans and gender-expansive people to bear the mental load of correcting people on their name and pronouns. If you notice others in a conversation referring to a trans or gender-expansive friend with the incorrect name or pronouns, gently remind them the proper name and pronouns to use, even when your trans or gender-expansive friend is not there. This may result in some level of interpersonal or social conflict, but be encouraged by remembering that you are helping your friend by bearing the weight of societal bias and discrimination. However, ask your friend privately first if they would like you to do this in public or around certain people! You don’t want to out your friend to someone who may not be a safe person.
Talk to local businesses/churches/community about changing their bathroom signage.
Many trans, nonbinary and gender-expansive people are not able to safely use a men’s or a women’s restroom. Get in touch with the business owner, pastor, or manager of buildings that do not have gender-neutral restrooms and ask them to consider changing their signage to allow people of all genders to access a restroom at their buildings. Encourage them that this is an inexpensive way to ally with the trans community, especially during a time of harsh discrimination against trans and gender-expansive people.
“Remember that as an ally, you may sometimes be uncomfortable or experience negative responses from people around you who do not support trans and gender-expansive people. These are signs that you are doing the right thing.”
Host church conversations about how to ally with the trans and gender-expansive people in your community.
Create a small group at your church inviting clergy, leaders, or members to learn together about how to ally with and for trans and gender-expansive community members. QCF’s relational guide for allies is a great resource to start with. If a trans or gender-expansive person in your community is willing to speak about their experience, invite them to share with your learning group. Additionally, invite members of your church to join a QCF Allies Community Group!
Don’t force activism on your trans and gender-expansive friends!
Many trans and gender-expansive people do not want to “publicize” their gender identity or to pursue a public form of ministry or activism centered around their gender identity. Do not force them into that role. Instead, leverage your cisgender identity to help create change in the ways described in this article, so that they can exist in a world more equipped to love and care for them.
Remember that as an ally, you may sometimes be uncomfortable or experience negative responses from people around you who do not support trans and gender-expansive people. These are signs that you are doing the right thing. As always, listen to and learn from the trans and gender-expansive people in your community on how to support them individually.
Next Steps
For more on allyship and how you can support your LGBTQ+ siblings, download our free Relational Guide for Allies featuring Amy Hayes.
If you’re the parent or family member of an LGBTQ+ person who has recently come out, we have community and resources available for you - including the 2024 Parent & Family Summit! Visit the link below to learn more and get plugged in.
